Soooo.............that life thing I was talking about? I didn't mean just life, I kinda meant like....you know......boys. Okay, I never before have been noticed, but I have a freaky feeling in the pit of my stomach that something is going to happen. Ready? Okay, here goes.
Ta (I CANNOT spell his name, and it is another 'T' name, so it is gonna get weird. Sorry, I really should just rename him. :b) passed me a note in class last week, asking me for my number. Umm....weirdness. So you know what I did? I passed it back with nothing on it. Why? First off, I know him a bit, but that is third-grade stuff. Also, he is a wild, crazy, smoking weed and drinking type boy. Not my type. But mostly, it was because I had never had to bear the emotional burden of being asked such a question. So, honestly? I was tearing up, my face as red and hot, and I was full of embarrassment. What was I supposed to write back? So shakily, I just passed it back and tried to swallow this tears that I couldn't understand what had brought them on. I don't know if I can handle this boy-stuff. I think it was less who it was that asked, and more that ANYBODY would ask, because I have been telling myself for years that it would never happen to me. BIG lie. So Ta threw the note away, and I don't think that he looked terribly disappointed, and I have no idea what it all could've meant (like I really care), but I feel like he has forced me to cross a bridge, and face the facts. I have entered the stage in life where I hold hearts in my hand, and I have the power to break it. And it is so easy to break it. I don't want to break it, and so I don't want to be given it at all (I really don't trust myself with anyone's....), but it can't be helped. So I get stuck with it, and I don't know what to do because I don't want to break it, but there is nowhere to put it where it won't be my fault. Argh. Ta shall dominate this post. I want to make my posts less crazy and divide them up by person. Plus, that just gives me even more posts that make up for my absence. ;)
~Evening Star
I never comment. Dx There's never much to comment on, it's all pretty dang awesome.
ReplyDeleteI can relate to that. Well, I think I can, but I honestly hope not. There's this guy who I THINK likes me and tomorrow IS Valentine's Day, but I don't like him and I don't know what I'd do. D: I hope he doesn't ask, eeeee.